They don't get it, do they? : Communication in the Workplace--Closing the Gap between Women and Men

by Kathleen Kelley Reardon.
Published by Little, Brown, 1995.


CD Book Club Reviews They Don't Get It, Do They?
4 stars out of 5

by Janet Goldwasser, SWE and CD Book Club member
This book is aimed at helping women become individual agents of change in closing the gender gap in the workplace. While the target audience is women on the executive track, the book is useful for women at any level who are struggling to establish themselves as credible professionals. Author Dr. Kathleen Reardon's book is enjoyable, but it would have benefited from an editor with a firmer hand. The many good examples are too often buried in pages of generalizations. However, if you have patience you will discover many gems.

Start with the "Leadership Style Inventory" (which appears unfortunately late in the book). It shows four leadership styles, any of which can be successful. Dr. Reardon's description of the four styles, and how you can have four different, effective, responses to put-downs, is one of the best parts of the book.

The book has many useful dos and don'ts for women: Don't "act like women" (but don't "act like men" either!). Do act like you belong in the senior-level position you are aiming for. Don't accept "DCPs" (Dysfunctional Communication Patterns). When patronizing, undermining comments come your way, don't let them go without a constructive response. Don't resort to silence. Do respond. Don't get personal. Do keep it simple. Focus on the goals, the work at hand, the shared task, the common objective.

Dr. Reardon emphasizes that each individual woman CAN make a change in how she is treated. Consider her "75% Rule": "Each of us is at least 75% responsible for how people treat us." This is not a case of blaming the victim for the crime. Rather, Dr. Reardon calls on women to recognize that avoiding the unpleasant effects of confronting and challenging offensive behavior simply encourages the continuation of such offenses.

Dig through this book and you can compile a list of good comebacks, and creative responses to the "stuff" women must face on the job, from the blatant to the subtle. This is a book to give to your mom if she doesn't know how to say "no," if she needs to learn what Dr. Reardon teaches: "People won't treat you well unless they know you expect it of them."